For some reason, with the invention and popularity of social media, the number of "yes men" has exploded and grown way out of control. Once upon a time, if you were a jerk, someone called you out on it. Although you probably had a couple close friends that agreed with you when you said someone was evil for crossing you, it likely wasn't a crowd of groupies follwing your every move and agreeing with everything you said. Today, it seems that no one calls anyone out when they are being a loser or jerk. And instead of only someone's closest friends standing behind them to lament the lastest wrongdoing, there are dozens upon dozens of people that chime in as "yes men".
You can easily identify a "yes man" (or woman, as the case may be), by paying attention to any social media posting that either complains about a wrongdoing against them, trash talks another person that they harbor some dislike towards, or even a self-depricating posting about how they've messed everything up in their life. A "yes man" is one of the many replies that goes beyond the encouraging "I love you" and "you'll get through this!" A "yes man" is someone who replies with "you're the best person in the world!" or "you're perfect!" regardless of what the reason for that particular situation is. Example:
"Don't even feel bad that all those friends walked out on you. If they were real friends,they would have stuck with you through anything! You're better off without jerks like that in your life!"
At surface value, it seems innocuous enough, right? But look deeper, and the situation may be completely different. Perhaps the reasons those friends walked away from the poster are because they have stood by and seen the things that person has done over and over and over, and are tired of waiting for them to grow up. Maybe that poster has made horrible decisions again and again, and the friends have finally reached their breaking point. It doesn't make them the awful person that the "yes man" commenter tried to imply they are. The problem lies solely in the original poster - their behavior drove those friends away, but the "yes man" will never call them out on it, and will always shift the blame away from that person under the guise of being supportive.
Another example: "You are the world's best mother/father..." followed with inflated flattering comments. A "yes man" will never point out that the person doesn't have custody of their child(ren), doesn't lift a finger to care for or support them, and hasn't done a whole lot to earn that title. That person may have some wonderful carefully selected pictures on their social media, however, that sure imply they deserve that title! The "yes man" will never point out how the person put their flame-of-the-week before their children, or any of the many irresponsible choices they have made. But they're right there to build them up as "the most wonderful, loving parent!"
Oftentimes, it's people that aren't actually more than social media aquaintances that are guilty of being "yes men". Perhaps they knew that person once-upon-a-time, and remember how they used to be, or how they perceived the person to be. Perhaps they are basing their support solely on the social media postings and pictures. Maybe it's just the popular thing to do. Or simply because they think being a "yes man" is being supportive and being a good friend.
I disagree.
Everyone loves to be flattered. Everyone loves to hear how wonderful they are. Everyone loves to have people agree with them when they feel they have been wronged. Unfortunately, sometimes it is unwarranted support. Empty flattery is worthless. A true friend is someone that isn't going to blindly be a "yes man". A true friend is going to call a spade a spade, and tell a person that they are being ridiculous. A true friend will tell a person what they NEED to hear, even if it isn't what they want to hear. Even if it's hard to hear what it being said. It's easy to fall into being a "yes man". It's even easier to fall into surrounding yourself with them. Social media has made it so much easier to surround yourself with flatterers and "yes men". The challenge is to be a true friend, and say what a person truly needs to hear, especially when it may not be what they want to hear at all. Espcially when it is not the popular thing to do.
I'm sure I'm not immune to this phenomenon. I know that throughout the years, I've had my share of "yes men" responses to silly things I've vented about. Thankfully, I've also had some real friends that stood by and told me when I was being ridiculous, and when I needed to step back and take a better look at the situation. It's much easier to place the blame on others than it is to accept responsibility for your own part of a situation! As social media has become more and more popular, I've purposed to not fall into a "yes man" role. I'd like to think I'm a better friend than that. I'd like to hope that I'm surrounding myself with people that are better friends to me as well.
Rant over. Just something to think about :)
