Single parenting & raising Godly sons and daughters

As if being a single parent wasn't tough enough, I find myself struggling on a biblical level as well. Those of my friends and family that aren't Christ followers won't get it, but it's certainly an issue that I struggle with. One of the greatest responsibilities I have is to raise my children into godly, compassionate, productive members of our society. As a single parent, that's an even larger challenge than a typical married parenting couple face. How can I teach my boys to be godly men, to grow up to be the leaders of their homes, to lead their wives and children, when they don't have that godly example to teach them? How can I teach my daughter to seek a godly man as her partner, and how to become his help meet to him, when I'm not a living example of that to her? It's quite a conundrum. There are so many resources available to parents- retreats, camps, seminars and conventions, classes and studies, etc., yet they speak from a biblical standpoint of a two parent household. I've found wonderful sources of information, and some fantastic opportunities that my children and/or I would love to participate in, but we don't fit the "mold". The offerings on raising sons into godly men are made for fathers and their sons to participate in together, or speak to fathers as far as how to guide their sons. I've yet to find a source of mother/son offerings or teachings that offer the same guidance. In fact, many of the things I've found that we would love to participate in are seemingly negatory in their views towards single parents. I've found myself interested in some homeschool curriculum offerings that are very clear in its preference for married families only. In fact, in order to be accepted into their program, I'd have to get my ex-husband to sign into an agreement with them. Other than that, it seems to be a fabulous program. It's quite frustrating that the boys (and girls) who need the guidance and role modeling the most are the ones who get it the least. With the rate of divorce and unmarried parents in our country, I find it shameful that there is such a lack of support in this area. It's such a sadness that I'm forced to try to teach them with "do as I say, not as I do." Surely I'm not the only single parent struggling with this! I'll continue on my quest, but it would sure be easier if I had more support from fellow Christians.

Better, not Bitter

Following my "Attitude of Gratitude" theme, is the idea of "Better, not Bitter." I've certainly had a lot of things in my life to be bitter about, but that's not what I want to be. And for the most part, I'm not. Honestly, the idea of being bitter all my life over something is horrifying. I'm fairly non-confrontational, and have a number of people that I wouldn't be openly bitter towards, but may harbor some feelings of bitterness towards inwardly. What a waste! I'm letting go of bitter, and working on better. I think that more than just bitter, I find myself being SAD over situations that have occurred. But this is definitely something I'm working on letting go of. What's done is done, and being bitter or sad over those events is useless and prevents me from being able to have the attitude of gratitude over the GOOD things that I have in my life. I'm not going to give those negative things the power to dictate my attitude and state of mine. So goodbye bitterness, hello betterness! (It’s my new word LOL)

The Attitude of Gratitude

I’ve decided to make a conscious effort at NOT getting caught up in the negative things. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to see all the things that have gone wrong, or the things that are negative in our lives. It’s too easy to become overwhelmed with all the bad things, and not even notice or acknowledge the positives. I see this often in my own life. One of my favorite songs is by Francesca Battistelli, called “This is the stuff”. It sums things up quite well.

Lyrics to This Is The Stuff:

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind
Whoa

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

Oh Oh Oh Oh
This is the stuff You use

I’ve sung this song to myself many times, and it serves as a reminder not to get caught up in the negatives in the here-and-now, but to seek out the blessings that are around me. I may be a struggling, single mom, with the weight of the world on my shoulders, but there are surely good things in my life, if I’m willing to look past the mess and struggles. I may not have steaks to grill for dinner, but I do have hamburgers. I may not have enough for a fancy vacation with my kids, but we do look forward to our camping trips (even if they are local), and we did get to take an amazing trip to the Wisconsin Dells that we have all worked to save up for. We may not have everything we want, but we sure do have a lot! We have cell phones and satellite TV, and my kids have video game systems that they play with their friends (even if they do have to trade games between friends and trade in games at the game store to get new ones). We have a place to live, even if it’s not where we want to stay forever. I have a great job, which I love, even though I’d like to finish school and get on to doing what I ultimately want to do. I may be constantly on the brink of financial ruins, and always seem to have more bills than money, but we still manage to have the “extras” in our life somehow. Somehow, things seem to work out, even if it’s not exactly how I wanted it too. Even when I’ve felt like the world is caving in and turned upside down, I know that God was there to keep me from falling into the bottomless pit. I may have to purpose to seek the ways that He has been there, to really search to find the good things in my life, but surely they are there. With that mindset, I’ve decided to purpose to find and acknowledge the blessings in my life on a daily basis. I’m also going to include my children in this, so they too can see the blessings in their lives, even in the midst of all their pre-teen angst. And so we are creating Gratitude Books, to record daily the things we are grateful for. By purposing to seek and acknowledge the positives, and recording them so we can reflect upon them later when it looks like the world is working against us, I hope that we can work to change our mindsets from the overwhelming feelings of negativity that are so easy to succumb to. I hope we can switch our mindset to the attitude of gratitude that makes it so much easier to deal with life’s struggles. It’s important, not only for me to think that way, but to share that attitude with my children. There really ARE blessings all around us, if we can look past the negative, dark things and not get overburdened by them. This is the first step in seeking them out.