Positives vs Negatives

Such a day of ups and downs, highs and lows! I started my day heading, out to Freeport to get my hair done, which was a high point. I love getting my hair done, in particular, I love getting my hair done by the person who does my hair. She is amazing. I don’t know that I could ever go back to getting it done somewhere else, or even worse, doing it myself. It’s such a treat to spend a few hours in the salon too. Love it. There are a million salons closer to home, but she is worth the drive out to Freeport, in my opinion.

So as I was heading out of Rockford on the highway that leads to Freeport, I took a glance at my gas gauge and realized I only had about a quarter tank of gas. As I was just past the city limits, and didn’t have much time to spare, I opted not to stop in the small town on the way to get gas, and figured I’d get gas before heading home. So I spent a wonderful couple hours in the salon, and got out in plenty of time to get home and take my kids to gymnastics and trampoline class. That was a bonus, because I was afraid I was going to be back too late. As I drove away from the salon, I realized I should have thought to ask where the closest gas station was, because I’m not familiar with Freeport and only know a couple roads well. I wound up on the main road I knew, and was slightly annoyed that it meant I had to go out of my way quite a bit to get to the gas station I knew, and worried that it might cut into me getting back in time for gymnastics. As I pulled out of the gas station, I heard the tell tale sound of a flat tire. I travelled through the intersection and pulled over to find the passenger tire was indeed flat. Drat. As we’re planning to drive from Illinois to Florida in two weeks, I had already planned on getting new front tires next week. I certainly wasn’t planning on doing it today! My van has a death grip on my spare tire, so it is not accessible or usable. I stood there for a second wondering WHAT I was going to do, when I looked up to see that I was literally at the entrance of a shopping center that housed a Farm & Fleet. Even more specifically, I was even at the entrance that led right into the tire center of the Farm & Fleet. How amazing is that? I drove the short distance to the parking area and went in to get two new tires put on. Unfortunately, it was a busy day, and involved quite a bit of a wait, but what other options did I have but to wait?

As I waited, I realized how perfectly the whole fiasco had worked out. I will never believe anything other than God was looking out for me today. I drove there on a highway travelling speeds of 65+ miles per hour. Had my tire blown out while travelling at that speed, the outcome would surely have been more disasterous. With my spare tire being welded to the undercarriage of my van, I would be stuck with no means of travelling to even GET a new tire. It was definitely orchestrated that I would HAPPEN to have backtracked to THAT particular gas station, and HAPPENED to get the flat just as I was pulling out to the intersection that lead to the Farm & Fleet. Also, that I just HAPPENED to have already budgeted to replace those tires, so I wasn’t stranded without the means to pay for the new tires. There was no reason for all of those things to have happened to perfectly, and I spent my time waiting for the tires being thankful for the way things played out. Even though the tire going flat was a disappointing fiasco, and it meant my kids would miss gymnastics afterall, how could I not be thankful for the blessings in the situation?

Then my wait dragged on and on. The sun that was shining so brightly when I pulled up began to set. The mechanics eventually came out and said that some of my lug nuts were damaged and useless, so they ordered some from O’Reilly’s and were waiting for them to be delivered. It seemed like it was s taking FOREVER, and I sat alone in the waiting room with the TV blaring incessant reruns of Sanford & Sons. Seriously, I was going nuts! Why was this taking so long! I realized that not only were my kids missing gymnastics, but if they didn’t hurry up, we were going to miss church too. And tonight was Turtle race night. This was Ella’s first year being old enough to participate in Turtle Race night, and she was so excited! She decorated her turtle herself, and was so looking forward to participating. She would be devastated if I couldn’t get there in time! A mechanic came out with some estimates of repairs they thought my van needed, like rear brakes and new wiper blades. As he went back into the garage, I grumbled that I didn’t ASK them to take my rear tires off and snoop around, I JUST wanted front tires!!! No WONDER this was taking so long! After another few annoying episodes of Sanford & Sons, my van was finally pulled up to the door to wait for me. When I tried to pay, the guy swiped my card a handful of times before saying “Oh, we don’t take American Express.” Seriously? I wasn’t even sure I had enough on my Visa account to cover the tires, as I had always intended to use the money in the account that has the American Express card. GRRRR! By the grace of God, my visa account had enough, and I was finally off, in the dark, on the trip back to Rockford. Buuut, my cell phone had died while I was waiting. I should mention that I absolutely HATE my iphone. And the fact that it took a solid five minutes of charging before it would turn on so I could call my kids and tell them I was on my way only frustrated me even more and made me hate this phone even worse. I was just soo frustrated! My heart was broken that Ella was going to miss Turtle Races, and it just seemed that everything was working against me. It was during that longish drive home that I wondered WHY it was that it was so much easier to get frustrated over the negatives than it was to focus on the positives. I was literally besides myself with frustration, instead of praising God for all the work He had done in the situation. Why is the negative so much stronger and emotion? Somehow that seems backwards! As if to drive that lesson home to me, my night continued to be a lesson in frustration. Right now, my laptop is making me pull my hair out because it’s acting on its own accord. Literally, my touchpad isn’t working right, and keeps moving my cursor all over the screen, randomly clicking on things. I’ve had to really work to get this typed!! Every couple words, my cursor moves up a few lines or so and starts typing in the middle of another sentence. Frustrating! I seriously want to throw this thing! I came into my room to find that one of my children had un-made my bed, and the animals had climbed all over my sheets. Pet peeve- kitty food in my bed. And my cat has an obsession with hiding his food in random places. If my bed is not made, my cat climbs all under the blankets. So I was annoyed at the child that was laying in my bed earlier today while I was gone and left it disheveled. Since this laptop is driving me mad, I thought I’d grab my tablet instead. Turns out one of my children has absconded with it, and it is NOT where it belongs. As they are asleep, I have no idea where they placed it. Grrr! So many frustrations today!! But, on the upside, not only was God’s hand in the tire fiasco, He also made sure that we DID make it to church in time for Ella to participate. We were late, and she missed the practice time, but she did get to race. So even though this day has had some set backs, and the frustrations with this laptop continue to make me want to throw it, I have to remember to focus on the positives. Why does it have to be such a conscious effort to not let the negative outweigh the positives? Today’s negatives were offset by some pretty significant positives! Surely that should count for more than the frustrations of this ridiculous laptop, and my messed up bed, and the missing tablet, right? I’m going to take as my lesson for the day. Plus my hair looks really good, so it’s hard to stay negative for too long 

Broken... and Redemption

Once upon a time there was an ordinary girl. She was ordinary in every way, with the exception of a streak of overwhelmingly bad luck. That all seemed to change when she met her Prince Charming. Suddenly she had everything she ever wanted and no longer felt ordinary. For many years she was overjoyed that all her dreams had come true. Then one day, in a particularly cruel twist of fate, Prince Charming destroyed those dreams and took the fairy tale away. He made sure no dream was left unshattered, no hope left unsquashed. He left the ordinary girl an empty shell of who she once was, making that bad-luck riddled ordinary life she had before he arrived seem a million times better than where she was now. How she longed for that simpler time! Instead, while he rode off into the sunset with a sinister laugh and smile, she remained behind. Broken.

Broken is a horrible place to be. I've been there for far too long. But today's blog isn't a story of staying broken. This post isn't meant to dwell on the misery that has enveloped my being for far too long. Rather, it's to celebrate how much things have changed. It certainly wasn't a quick change, and it hasn't been a complete healing. I liken it to a precious vase that has been shattered, and carefully glued back together. The pieces are back together, maybe even well enough to become a functioning vase again, but the scars and damage are still visible. They're just held together by glue, all the shards in their respective places.

The past few years have been the worst challenges of my life. And yet, here I stand today, finally in a place where I can smile. I am finally seeing the fruits of all my labors and tribulations, as the pieces of my being are held together by some super glue. Certainly, I will never be a perfect unscarred vessel, as the aforementioned vase will never look unblemished either. But I'm finally accepting that having been broken isn't the end of the world; just the end of the world I thought I had. The world I thought I had turned out to be an illusion anyway. I'm not necessarily where I want to be, and certainly not where I thought I would be, but I'm okay with that. It gives me something to work towards. I'm actually feeling good about where I am, and I can't say that I have felt that way for a long time.

In a few short weeks, my children and I will be embarking on our biggest solo adventure ever. We will load up our minivan, drop our doggies off at the doggie spa, and begin the long drive from Illinois to Florida for an amazing vacation. I may never want to return! The possibility of such a trip was not a possibility even a year ago. A year ago, I was not even able to afford to pay for even the most basic of our living needs. I'm not exaggerating that fact. Times have been very rough. No amount of working seemed to be enough. But God is faithful, and we made it through. I was blessed to be hired at another local hospital, as well as at the local YMCA, and my income has doubled. For the first time in a long time, I've not only been able to pay bills on time, but been able to splurge on extras. Our amazing Florida adventure is one of those extras. It makes all those long hours at work all worth it, when I can see the fruit of those labors in such a tangible way! It also makes it easier to truly look and see the blessing that are bestowed upon my family, when my eyes aren't clouded with misery. I have so much to be thankful for! When I actually catalog all the blessings in my life, it's hard to imagine that I had not seen them all for so long. The misery goggles are off, and things are only looking better and better.

And so, the ordinary girl was left broken. She stayed broken for quite some time, unsure how to put herself back together, and unsure if she even wanted to try. But God is faithful, and He held on to each of her broken pieces, ensuring not a single sliver was lost, until such a time as she finally found the strength to start gluing the pieces back together. And with that, the sad story of brokenness become a story of healing and redemption.

James 1 speaks to my heart today

James 1
New International Version (NIV)

1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:

Greetings.
Trials and Temptations

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.