Broken... and Redemption

Once upon a time there was an ordinary girl. She was ordinary in every way, with the exception of a streak of overwhelmingly bad luck. That all seemed to change when she met her Prince Charming. Suddenly she had everything she ever wanted and no longer felt ordinary. For many years she was overjoyed that all her dreams had come true. Then one day, in a particularly cruel twist of fate, Prince Charming destroyed those dreams and took the fairy tale away. He made sure no dream was left unshattered, no hope left unsquashed. He left the ordinary girl an empty shell of who she once was, making that bad-luck riddled ordinary life she had before he arrived seem a million times better than where she was now. How she longed for that simpler time! Instead, while he rode off into the sunset with a sinister laugh and smile, she remained behind. Broken.

Broken is a horrible place to be. I've been there for far too long. But today's blog isn't a story of staying broken. This post isn't meant to dwell on the misery that has enveloped my being for far too long. Rather, it's to celebrate how much things have changed. It certainly wasn't a quick change, and it hasn't been a complete healing. I liken it to a precious vase that has been shattered, and carefully glued back together. The pieces are back together, maybe even well enough to become a functioning vase again, but the scars and damage are still visible. They're just held together by glue, all the shards in their respective places.

The past few years have been the worst challenges of my life. And yet, here I stand today, finally in a place where I can smile. I am finally seeing the fruits of all my labors and tribulations, as the pieces of my being are held together by some super glue. Certainly, I will never be a perfect unscarred vessel, as the aforementioned vase will never look unblemished either. But I'm finally accepting that having been broken isn't the end of the world; just the end of the world I thought I had. The world I thought I had turned out to be an illusion anyway. I'm not necessarily where I want to be, and certainly not where I thought I would be, but I'm okay with that. It gives me something to work towards. I'm actually feeling good about where I am, and I can't say that I have felt that way for a long time.

In a few short weeks, my children and I will be embarking on our biggest solo adventure ever. We will load up our minivan, drop our doggies off at the doggie spa, and begin the long drive from Illinois to Florida for an amazing vacation. I may never want to return! The possibility of such a trip was not a possibility even a year ago. A year ago, I was not even able to afford to pay for even the most basic of our living needs. I'm not exaggerating that fact. Times have been very rough. No amount of working seemed to be enough. But God is faithful, and we made it through. I was blessed to be hired at another local hospital, as well as at the local YMCA, and my income has doubled. For the first time in a long time, I've not only been able to pay bills on time, but been able to splurge on extras. Our amazing Florida adventure is one of those extras. It makes all those long hours at work all worth it, when I can see the fruit of those labors in such a tangible way! It also makes it easier to truly look and see the blessing that are bestowed upon my family, when my eyes aren't clouded with misery. I have so much to be thankful for! When I actually catalog all the blessings in my life, it's hard to imagine that I had not seen them all for so long. The misery goggles are off, and things are only looking better and better.

And so, the ordinary girl was left broken. She stayed broken for quite some time, unsure how to put herself back together, and unsure if she even wanted to try. But God is faithful, and He held on to each of her broken pieces, ensuring not a single sliver was lost, until such a time as she finally found the strength to start gluing the pieces back together. And with that, the sad story of brokenness become a story of healing and redemption.